so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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