Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
