Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He felt like a one man threesome
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
