Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
