I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
