I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
