Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
