Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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