I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
