and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
