Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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