i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
