9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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