I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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