im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
