we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
