He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
