the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
