I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
if only i could text you this smell
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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