i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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