My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
