My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
