just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
