no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
