I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
