What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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