my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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