Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
