Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
