And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
