Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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