Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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