he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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