i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
