So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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