I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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