could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need to calm my uterus...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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