She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
