I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
