I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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