Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
