I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
