My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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