uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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