Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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