We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
