What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i barfeds in our rink
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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