i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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