it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
