so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
