i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
