i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
