census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My bed smells like the plague
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
