I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
