I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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