You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
