im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
