I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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