My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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