I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
