I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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