I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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